According the Internet, Jesus didn’t give everything in his lectures. He let loose parables for the public but kept his logic for his disciples. All his private teachings got trashed when Constantine declared Christianity the official religion of Rome. This is Gnostic Christianity. My memory is telling me that they believe God is a metaphor for life-affirming principles. That’s nice.

The other day I saw a large donut. I wasn’t hungry, but I wanted that shit in my mouth. In it went and the whole time I ate it I thought, “Shit, I’m not even having fun.” That was a little sad. Then I looked at memes for at least forty-five minutes after they were funny. I don’t know why I did these things, but I know I wasn’t being godly, Gnostic-Jesus would not have been proud.

But economics tells us we do what is best for us! Everything I do is life affirming, bitch! We have no issues shoving lard into our stomachs or watching Snooki’s oral performances on MTV. We praise people who Read the rest of this entry »

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