Archives for posts with tag: ralph waldo emerson

I love books because I’m a mind peeper. It’s fun to find out things you think by reading what other people think. Sometimes books have something to teach, sometimes they have something to entertain you with, and sometimes they are a demonstration of a stupid mind. Books can take more time to go into something than a blog post. When somebody has an idea big enough for a book – not an idea stretched to fit a book – then it takes time to soak in. Most books are stretched ideas or non-ideas, they don’t offer anything. As I understand it, Fifty Shades of Grey offered some moist panties because it mentioned butt plugs. That’s cool. I think that book probably made a lot of lives better. Once the end came and you found out she was on heroin the entire time and her lover was actually a fourteen year old boy (I’m nearly positive that isn’t the case) the magic was over. There aren’t a lot of books that you remember. There are even fewer books that take your mind and warp it so hard that you can never forget what they taught.

A lot of my close friends read solely non-fiction. “HA! Childish stories? Have fun Kyle…” Read the rest of this entry »

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[This first bit of this is my own depression. In the depths of shit it’s nice to read about somebody else’s depths sometimes. If you don’t want to join the pity-party then scroll down to the bold to find Depression-starving ideas.]

don’t kid yourself!

Every moment was proof of my worthlessness. Every thought proof of my guilt. Every interaction a demonstration of the complete ominous nature of life. My future grew darker as I learned through irrational, yet completely convincing, thoughts to hate myself and the world more perfectly.

And then the light bulb went off, the answer loud and clear: kill yourself! Rid yourself of the the world and the shackles of society. One free act and forever my problems fixed.

But then I remembered that I’ll be dead anyway. So why worry about it? Live like you’re dying! Because you are! … Then back into depression.

When I was thrown into this stormy state of being I had just raised half a million dollars to manage in a fund I had just started. I had trade setups sure to bring me unlimited wealth in my life. I also had outlined and was bringing a team together to form SelfMadeU, the first business to provide a complete education on how to survive and thrive in this world without a college education. There would be an accompanying documentary I was sure would take the gold at Sundance. I graduated, took a well-paying job. Then it hit. A fucking critical hit because something snapped. Unable to do anything well – in my mind anyway – I thought the best course of action was to drop everything and fix the mind.

Well, it turns out depression doesn’t get ‘fixed’. I moved in with my divorcing parents and things went downhill quick. Into that sucky dark weighty abyss completely void of hope or trusted happiness (each smile is a ‘lie’). It’s shit and there is no way around that.

Nobody ever told me that becoming a man was more about feeling big boy pain (soul pain!) than killing wolves. Nobody sat me down and said, “Son, one day you are going to be hurt on a level that is unfathomable. One day everything you believe now is going to be shot in the face and you’re going to be left with an existential void that you’ll spend the rest of your life trying to figure out or forgetting.”

if only it were so obvious

Read the rest of this entry »

We kill faith every time we demand it of something that isn’t there. Religious institutions are built on demanding you believe things for now reason. I’m not even sure what happened in my own head last week but these people try to tell me I should believe their account of what happened in some guy’s head thousands of years ago. “It’s obviously true if you just take the leap of faith! Then you’ll truly see the glory of My Golden Calf.” The one thing that is blasphemy is my own experience. _____ forbid I have faith in my own Seeing. Buddha said the only thing you should trust is your own experience of life. Then they built golden statues of fat-face Buddha representing his own experience. Sure, it’s a picture of what experience could be, but it’s awfully hard to hold yourself in esteem while kissing a golden foot. “Burn the Buddha!”, is what I always say this once.

respecting your experience even if you can’t respect yourself

Faith is an imperative of life, though. Read the rest of this entry »

public broadcasting, deprogramming to reprogram, teenage vampire enthusiasts

I’m so brainwashed that I think about Snooki. She serves as an explanation for every poofy-haired girl with hoopy earings and a face of oral fixation I’ve ever seen. Even though the hair is probably Gwyn Stefani. Holla-back girl! I’m so brainwashed I think happiness can be found in a study. I’m so brainwashed I start to believe the news whole-heartedly after watching it for five minutes. I can talk about a news headline for a full day.

I scrubbed my head Read the rest of this entry »

Here’s an experiment to do. It was fun for me. Maybe you hate it.

Kill your dream.

Maybe not forever, but just for right now. There’s a good chance your dream is poisoning your food and tripping you when you’re not looking. Dreams are sneaky bastards that won’t be any fun if we blindly adopt them. Not that you shouldn’t ‘go for it’, it’s just that the ‘it’ is usually not IT.

I know this sounds dumb. Having a Dream is part of the American Religion. But so was having a house, going to college, and having sexuals with Angelina Jolie. Killing your dream will give you a second to actually Read the rest of this entry »

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