Archives for posts with tag: life

It doesn’t make any sense to worry about death (especially our own) – once we die we’ll lose our human capacity to worry. Knowing something in linear logic and knowing something in your bones don’t match up often enough, though. I sometimes get concerned about the ending of this experience – the only thing I’ve ever been and the only thing I’ll ever be.

Read the rest of this entry »

who battles the zeus-battler?

God came down and talked to me last night. Was I dreaming? Don’t think so. Not the god-as-the-universe god, I’m talking God-God, Zeus-God. Real fleshy booming lightning and thunder and creator of universes on purpose God. He came down to me and told me my purpose in life. He said, “Your life is your purpose in the Universe.”

He told me my purpose in life was to be afraid, to experience depression, to regret everything, to be neurotic. God made me a promise, “I have willed that you make at least three more catastrophic mistakes before I kill you.” What a guarantee! How stressful! Why would God make me suffer so much? Not even as a test – why would he create such a foolish meaning?

He told me my purpose in life was to feel Read the rest of this entry »

I went to bed last night. Good for me! My roommate and lunatic thing-maker roommate Hunter asked me

What would you tell me if you were going to die tonight?

“I love you, Hunter.” Then I went to bed and I knew I was a liar. That’s the default but it’s not what I would wish him. I think I’d actually say, “Have fun!” That’s way better. Imagine your friend dying and the last thing they told you was “Have fun!” What a phrase to carry the weight of death. Maybe that would make a good epitaph.

what kind of fun?

There are some things that happen that make obvious the preciousness of the moment – like considering dying. Nowever! It’s the “Holy shit right here right now I am!” realization that doesn’t use those words but feels Read the rest of this entry »

life is the universal default

I was laying on the floor in my mother’s apartment with bloodshot eyes when the answer to life hit me: just kill myself! It made perfect sense logically – life is terrible, so just stop doing it. (Oh the raging hormones of a depressed twenty-something!) I laid there with the inescapable Answer but it didn’t feel quite right. I knew something was askew. I was depressed and everything was terrible and the last nice thing I thought to myself was, “Good job, you took a shower today!” That had been three days prior.

There is but one truly serious philosophical problem, and that is suicide. – Albert Camus

It seems like the answer to that question is in every breath taken, meal eaten.

Sometimes life fails us and we need to end it. End the experience.

Here’s the secret: You don’t kill your whole self. Read the rest of this entry »

According the Internet, Jesus didn’t give everything in his lectures. He let loose parables for the public but kept his logic for his disciples. All his private teachings got trashed when Constantine declared Christianity the official religion of Rome. This is Gnostic Christianity. My memory is telling me that they believe God is a metaphor for life-affirming principles. That’s nice.

The other day I saw a large donut. I wasn’t hungry, but I wanted that shit in my mouth. In it went and the whole time I ate it I thought, “Shit, I’m not even having fun.” That was a little sad. Then I looked at memes for at least forty-five minutes after they were funny. I don’t know why I did these things, but I know I wasn’t being godly, Gnostic-Jesus would not have been proud.

But economics tells us we do what is best for us! Everything I do is life affirming, bitch! We have no issues shoving lard into our stomachs or watching Snooki’s oral performances on MTV. We praise people who Read the rest of this entry »

I always feel obligated. There are so many pressures and ‘shoulds’ and promises I made. They stack up so high and some get so subtle that it becomes impossible to do anything that I wasn’t obligated to do. I decided to start killing obligations. Bang boom kapow!

Is this really worth feeling anything?

You aren’t obligated to be on one side or the other. Every little girl feels the obligation to be that girl on Vogue. She hates herself because she’s not that alien with the blue eyes and boobs. Every Dove and mother in the world – fathers have been keeping quiet on this one – are outraged about this shit. It’s outrageous! People pay a lot of money to make you hate yourself enough to pay them to make you better. To close the gap between you and their carefully designed unreachable ideal. They use photoshop! It’s cheating! Bruce Willis’ girlfriend in Pulp Fiction said, “I don’t give a damn what men find attractive. It’s unfortunate what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye is seldom the same.” You’re not obligated to look a specific way. But our two-party system of the fats and the skinnies is destroying any real  constructive body-discourse. The whole world demonizes the too-beautiful magazine people. BUT GOD DAMNIT THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO! Read the rest of this entry »

There is a popular notion that we are given life. So we’re born with a debt. This goes beyond the Catholic idea of original sin. We aren’t given life. We are life. There is no ultimate obligation. You will go around lifeing until the day you die. And you can’t be separate from that life.

“This is your life, you only get it once, use it up!” But I’m not separate for my life, so I can’t have it in the way that I can have a girlfriend or a car. You are not some ego that has attached itself to a life. Your ego is a piece of life. Your thoughts and actions and feelings are all pieces of the life that is you.

When we understand this, we can stop dividing our beings. We can stop pitting our Self against our Self and creating false divisions. We can achieve the fluidity that is life naturally. The fluidity that can’t be stopped or grasped. Understanding that we are life means understanding that we are just as much death. We, Life, spawned from Death and will return when we’re done lifeing.

When we understand that we are life then we know that death is nothing.

Here’s an experiment to do. It was fun for me. Maybe you hate it.

Kill your dream.

Maybe not forever, but just for right now. There’s a good chance your dream is poisoning your food and tripping you when you’re not looking. Dreams are sneaky bastards that won’t be any fun if we blindly adopt them. Not that you shouldn’t ‘go for it’, it’s just that the ‘it’ is usually not IT.

I know this sounds dumb. Having a Dream is part of the American Religion. But so was having a house, going to college, and having sexuals with Angelina Jolie. Killing your dream will give you a second to actually Read the rest of this entry »

I solicit a lot of advice. If somebody is winning at something I’d like to know why. The thing about getting advice from the winner (as opposed to somebody who studies how they win) is that it usually isn’t advice in the positive, but the negative.

Asking for advice from someone may be the best way of revealing their regrets. You have no idea how many married men have told me, “Get with as many chicks in college as you possibly can.” I’m not saying it’s bad advice, but they sure as hell aren’t spreading their seed (hopefully…). Advice should only be taken as a positive ‘do this!’ if you can see evidence of that advice being used in the other person’s life.

Then there’s the hypocritical advice. A fatass may be giving you dieting advice or a virgin may be giving you girl advice. Just because they can’t follow their own advice doesn’t make it bad. In fact, a fat man may have better dieting information than a guy in shape because he has more incentive to research diets.

Chances are a guy who’s ripped will give you better workout advice than a fatty and that a billionaire businessman will have better business sense than a franchise owner, but you should still think about what they tell you. The point is that just  someone’s suckness or awesomeness doesn’t dictate the quality of advice they can bestow upon you.

David Kelley wrote a great piece for the Atlas Society entitled Life: Your Adventure in Entrepreneurship. It deals mainly with how we all have the responsibility of an entrepreneurial life. Not meaning that we all need to own our own businesses, but own our own lives. (The article has been taken down since.)

He makes great points about the necessity to take responsibility for everything in our lives- our values and decisions. This means reasoning with every aspect of our lives instead of accepting the status quo. We are not being responsible- and cannot be truly happy- unless we know why we do what we do.

My favorite pieces:

-(Opening Paragraph) The entrepreneurial spirit is the spirit of enterprise: ambition to succeed, initiative in taking action, alertness to opportunity. It means being proactive rather than reacting to events and opportunities as they come along. It involves a full acceptance of the responsibility for initiating action to achieve one’s goals, and for dealing with the consequences that arise as one does so. [Accepting responsibility for everything you do is, to me, key. This is what allows you to really consider yourself and your life as an achievement] Read the rest of this entry »

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