Archives for posts with tag: god

this is the third time i’ve used this image and i will never stop – EVER

First I got depressed. Then I went to Seattle to live with my sister, Michel. She is a yoga teacher extraordinaire and owner of BeLuminous Yoga. While I was there she gave me unlimited access to yoga, yogis, yoga-knowledge, yoga-wisdom, yoga-minded-books, and helped me decide to go meditate for 100 hours. Basically, she saved my life.

While I was there I read every book on eastern philosophy that anybody has ever written ever in the history of the eververse. These guys and gals from the 1960’s or the BCs all showed me some fascinating things about the nature of life. They convinced me they attained enlightenment and, by god, I should get Read the rest of this entry »

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who battles the zeus-battler?

God came down and talked to me last night. Was I dreaming? Don’t think so. Not the god-as-the-universe god, I’m talking God-God, Zeus-God. Real fleshy booming lightning and thunder and creator of universes on purpose God. He came down to me and told me my purpose in life. He said, “Your life is your purpose in the Universe.”

He told me my purpose in life was to be afraid, to experience depression, to regret everything, to be neurotic. God made me a promise, “I have willed that you make at least three more catastrophic mistakes before I kill you.” What a guarantee! How stressful! Why would God make me suffer so much? Not even as a test – why would he create such a foolish meaning?

He told me my purpose in life was to feel Read the rest of this entry »

Some go to Church to hang out with God and get the God-awe. It’s a weekly filling of any God-shaped holes made from a week of ungodliness. It’s a recharge-reboot-reaim at heaven time. Sometimes I get a Universe-shaped hole that looks an awful lot like the ones of the godly variety. Here are some people who show us beautiful things: Read the rest of this entry »

According the Internet, Jesus didn’t give everything in his lectures. He let loose parables for the public but kept his logic for his disciples. All his private teachings got trashed when Constantine declared Christianity the official religion of Rome. This is Gnostic Christianity. My memory is telling me that they believe God is a metaphor for life-affirming principles. That’s nice.

The other day I saw a large donut. I wasn’t hungry, but I wanted that shit in my mouth. In it went and the whole time I ate it I thought, “Shit, I’m not even having fun.” That was a little sad. Then I looked at memes for at least forty-five minutes after they were funny. I don’t know why I did these things, but I know I wasn’t being godly, Gnostic-Jesus would not have been proud.

But economics tells us we do what is best for us! Everything I do is life affirming, bitch! We have no issues shoving lard into our stomachs or watching Snooki’s oral performances on MTV. We praise people who Read the rest of this entry »

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