Her tyranny has ruled us for too long! Why should we step lightly? THIS IS OUR FUCKING PLANET. THE HUMAN REIGN IS SUPREME! Al Gore tries to make you feel bad about walking on dirt. But I am putting my foot down. HARD into this planet that has tried to hold us back and kill us with tornadoes and planet-quakes and other dark magic. It’s time for retribution! Burn that gas, release the CFCs, let the cows fart, BURN THIS MOTHER DOWN!

Here is the irrefutable evidence that we must join together as one world, one people, and kill this tyrannical planet parent! Just look at the Utopia that would come out of it!

  1. Annoy the shit out of Mr Al Smug Gore
  2. The creation of a common enemy for all of humanity! We couldn’t battle each other if we battled Earth. Then we would all have to join together again to fix it!
  3. All scientific research would shift into frantically saving the planet instead of killing each other in bigger ways.
  4. We would all face Death together as a planet.
  5. We will have to actually figure out space travel.
  6. It would be like chemotherapy for in the body. It would kill all the baddies. The sacrifice of all the good people is one I think we can all agree is worth it.
  7. We can live out our common apocalypse fantasy.
  8. We might finally realize we are natural.
  9. Cyber-punk!
  10. We would all have to write in blue pens.
  11. It would cleanse the planet of the Illuminati.
  12. Power structures would be rebuilt. Reboot!
  13. The nature photography industry would enjoy a boom not seen since Ansel Adams.
  14. We can beat the 2012 prophecies if we hurry! Act now!
PS – I am making a VERY CLEAR statement about how fun it is to come up with ideas for things you believe in to the zero amount and nothing else.